Tide you over.

It's been ages.
I know.
But I'll be back soon.

None of the numbers make sense.

2. Are you single?
Indeed.
3. Whats your favorite number?
11
4. Whats your favorite color?
The Rainbow. Or blue.
5. Least favorite color?
Hm. I think this could be situational.
6. What are you listening to?
Music. Jimmy Eat World. Jason. John. Ingrid. Brett. Others. Bands that would get me in trouble.
7. Are you happy with your life right now?
Aspects of it, I couldn't be happier about.
Aspects of it, I would like to make better. I dwell on wishing they were they way they used to be.
8. Are you involved with anyone?
Hm. Even saying...involvedish maybe get me in trouble. But, that's how I feel. I'm involdedish. :)
9. What was/is your favorite subject in school?
I'm actually enjoying Broadcast this year. We actually make films. And I like govt. And psych. My doses of Dokken.
10. Do you shop at hollister/abercrombie?
Upon occasion. I try not to make a habit of it.
11. How do you make money?
Freemont.
Kidding. I usually babysit. Although, there hasn't been much of that lately, sadly. Kris still owes me money for house sitting though.
12. Would you take an ex back?
I don't see why not. For the most part I think I may.
13. Are you outgoing?
Probably not. In my head, I pretend.
15. Where do you wish you were right now?
Lots of places.
In college. Living by self. London. Happy. Maybe with boy.
16. What should you be doing right now?
Putting my clothes away. Mon devoir. Sleeping.
3. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
Yesterday. Ha.
4. Do you have a desk in your room?
Yes. I'm pretty fond of it. It's this glass metal combination that's probably ugly to everyone but me. Maybe.
5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
Naked? Party?
6. What kind of car do you drive?
The Intrepid.
Clever name.
7. Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
Yeah...my grandFather. Frances- middle name.
8. Does your first significant other still live in the same town as you?
Yes he does. Although I don't know where he goes to school anymore.
15. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine?
Uh. My hypothetical one? No. He's not.
18. Which one word would describe your last relationship?
A misunderstanding.
19. Would you rather date someone 2 years older than you or 20 years?
2 years.
20. Have you ever had a eating disorder?
I eat...a lot....?  
33. Are you an atheist?
Slightly agnostic.
34. Did you lose your virginity to your neighbor?Ick. That's a no. A gross no.
35. Did/do you think your childhood dreams will come true?
They could.
1. How many people have you kissed in the past 6 months?
Hm. Besides my sister, ha? One. ;)
3. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad?
Either would probably be okay.
4. Where will you be 12 hours from now?
Lunch, if I did the math right.
5. Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
No actually. I have a high tolerance for awkwardness.
6. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
No. Do people still plan that stuff? :)
9. Does anyone hate you for no reason?
I don't think so. I hope not.
10. Can you make yourself cry?
No. I'm working on it.
11. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Psh. 4.
12. Is your life simple or complicated?
Complicated. I think I like it that way...
13. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
I sometimes think I would, but then things wouldn't be there way they are now. And if they weren't the way they are now, I'm not sure I'd like the way they changed into.
14. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
Um. Once. Or...twice. 
15. Would you kiss them again?
Defiantly. If it a priority right now? Not really. I still kinda need to talk to him about why...we kissed ...at all.
17. Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an R?
Unless Mr. Ice Cream's name started with R...I don't think so.
19. What are you doing tomorrow?
Photography. School. Drive. Daydream. Eat. Sleep.
21. Do you think you would make a good parent?
I think so. I like kids.
24. Are you taller than 5'4"?
Not much.
26. Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
It is in fact my natural hair color.
27. What color are your socks?
White.
28. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
Yes. Have i ever borrowed things and not returned them? Yes. Is that the case with things I have right now? Yes.
29. Do you fall for people easily?
Not really. It's a long, complicated process.
32. Who all have you texted in the last 24 hours?
Um. Ryan, Josh, Travis, Ana.
33. What was the reason behind the last time you cried?
Frustration over things I feel like I can't fix. I only want it better. I only want it back.
34. Have you ever liked anyone on your top friends?
Past tense? Yes.
35. Do you find members of the opposite sex confusing?
Well, when they give you the "I want to be friends" speech and then kiss you.....yes. Yes I do.
36. Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
Yes. Really badly.
40. Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
There are several someones and somethings.


THE CANS:
Can you blow a bubble?: Oh, can I.
Can you do a cart wheel?: Yes.
Can you touch your toes?: I'm superbly flexible.
Can you wiggle your ears?: I can.

THE DIDS:
Did you ever want to be a doctor?: Yes.
Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?:Yes. Actually, at four, I was planning on being a doctor, firefighting,veterinarian in space.

THE DO'S:
Do you like roller coasters?: They make me dizzy. But, I like them anyway.
Do you own a bike?: Do I ride it? Not really.

THE HOWS:
How did you find out about Myspace?: Sydney.
How much money do you have on you right now?: In my pajama pants? Hm. None. :)

THE LASTS:
Last person you hung out with?: Travis. Or...Josh and the set crew I guess.
Last thing you said out loud?: "I mean, is that fair? I hope I don't get in trouble for this."
Last car ride?: Home from set crew call.

THE WHATS:
What was the last restaurant you ate at? Hm. Hard one. :) Applebees.

LAST THING?
What was the last thing you bought?: Lunch/Dinner. BK.
What was the last thing you had to drink?: l'eau
What was the last thing you watched?: Uhh. The Office? Gossip Girl? I watch classic television.
What was the last thing you read?: The rest of 1984.

THE WHOS:
Who was the last person who IM'd you?: Ben.
Who last talked to you on the phone? Travis.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: Lauren.
Who was the last person to leave you a comment? Uh. Sydeny.

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: Yes. In anger, in sadness.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Yes.
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: Not very frequently. But it's happened.
Do you cry when you get an injury?: Not really.
Do certain songs make you cry?: Actually, yeah...
Do certain movies make you cry?: Yes.

CURRENTLY:
What color shirt are you wearing?: Pink.
What is your favorite hair color?: Dark.
Have any tattoos?: No
Straight hair or curly? Curly. All the way.

HAVE YOU EVER:
Hugged someone?: Hugged someone? Who does such things!?
Been on the phone until the sun came up? No. I fall asleep. I've been on the phone until maybe...3 but not much later. :)

Fireworks & Sunflower seeds. Unopened books & Unfulfilled pleads.

I need to post more frequently. It's summer. This shouldn't be hard for me. But, I guess keeping any commitment is apparently difficult. Let's see. It's been a month since I last posted...what about me is different? Where do I begin?



I have a job now. Theatre is on break. I still don't know where I'm going to college. I want to become a photographer. I haven't started my summer reading. I haven't been teaching myself French as I promised myself I would so I don't get lost next year. I didn't volunteer where I was planning. I don't know what to do for my senior picture. I am however enjoying the summer nights with my window open. I like sleeping in and going to movies in the theatre. I like the not-often-enough late night phone calls. I'm enjoying living. But there is some much more I should be doing.

I want it to rain. It's been cloudy for days and I want the rain now. I need some change and some new and the rain is always refreshing. Jason likes the sun. Cloudy days depress him. He says rainy days appeal to girls for some reason. I don't care. Vegas needs a cool bath.

So, this job. I work at a smoothie shop in town. It's fun. The people are nice. But, since I get to be completely brash here and not censor myself, I don't want to work there at all. Most of the girls are complete idiots and I don't work enough hours for it really to be worth my while. And then there's the whole working with food thing. I want to work in the theatre. Or something that could help me make connections or look good on a resume. Take this babysitting job I just took for instance. The company came to town with a two month old baby in tow. I was asked to babysit for them. After fixing my schedule a little I agreed. They were fantastically nice and in love with the theatre. They were dancers really living in Manhattan where they have a dance company. I went out to lunch with them and talked about college. They insisted that if I ever ended up in New York to give them a call. "We have couches." She said. "And plenty of tips. Don't go into this subway at this time of night."
It's stupid. But I like knowing people in different places. I like to build little networks. Little, "Hey, I know you from...."s. I babysit again for them on Friday. I'm looking forward to it.

She did bring up something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I need a fall back. I need to build other skills besides theatre. I mean, I have other skills. And honestly, I think I could tech shows and make money that way. I hope I'm a competent enough person that there would always be some job for me. Making smoothies I guess. But I should see if there is something else I should get a degree in. Management of something. . . English. . . ? I wouldn't be happy. I just don't know at the moment. I'm so content where I am. I think I'm just going to take it as it comes.

College is honestly a mystery to me. There are so many options. I don't even know where to start. And my parents are less then helpful. My dad went to college for 11 years and he still had no good advice and almost just wants me to go to my rather horrible state school. I want to go to a size able city. I think I want to study theater. I want to study abroad for a year. And I don't know where. I guess I'm just afraid of falling in love with a school and then discovering that I can't go there or it's too expensive. I don't want to always regret that.

Mm. Desert night are beautiful. It's warm outside, but not too hot. The stars are beautiful. The last few days of school were really cozy. I had people start asking if there were things going on between us. So I guess we weren't as subtle as I'd hoped. He wrote about me in his final exam for broadcast. I was flattered, I mean I wrote about him in the place where we were supposed to talk about an experience with a classmate too, but we didn't arrange that and all of his best friends were in that class too. I haven't seeen him all summer. We've talked on the phone. We'll see.

I think I want to be a photographer as well along with everything else I want. Wouldn't it be cool to be a celebrity photographer? Trendy photo shoots used in upcoming issues of Vogue. I really like photographs. And lately I've been receiving offers from people wanting me to take theirs. All because I took some pictures of a friend for her music website and she ended up blowing them up into posters and hanging them at her graduation party. That was actually pretty cool. I like nature shots too. I go into my backyard sometimes and take picture of the flowers and my tortoises. Whatever catches the light. I like it.

Anyway, I suppose I should get back to my summer plan of keeping mildly busy. I'll post more often. Julie, in case you haven't checked lately, I e-mailed you. I hope you got it. I'd really like to talk to you. I hope all is well.

What am I going to do for my senior photograph?

Walking Paradox

A new post is long over due. I've been so caught up in my life lately that I forgot about this blog for a while. And it was kind of hard for a while to come back because of those stupid letters I wrote.
Things have been fixed with one of them and "progressed" with the other.
But, hardly enough.
He is...well....there are many stories I could tell about him. And while I'm driving Lauren crazy with them, I love talking about it. I'm afraid I've become one of those disgusting teenage girls. The ones who can only talk about the boys in their lives. I swear I'm more then that. I hope.
This is going to be short I can already tell you that, but I just wanted to leave a little update. Everything is going well. I am happy. Busy- very busy. But mostly happy.

I'll come back soon and tell you about the new show I'm in, drama in the studio, and whatever other interesting stories I can come up with.

I feel like telling some stories.
I hope everything is going beautifully for you.

Olympian Serenity

(Title is a quote from my newest monologue for Toni's class. it's so angry and fun that even though I was skeptical about the content, I feel awesome when I preform it. Even though I have to yell at poor joey who just sits there. i apologize about that though pretty often.)

I felt like I needed a new post. And I'm still not done writing about Reno and all that occurred there. I'm sure I'll finish it eventually.

Spring break came a week too early this year. But, it's here and I'm not in school. Instead, I move into the studio theatre at 10 in the morning with a hot glue gun and emerge blinking into the sunlight at 2 only to come back at 5 and stay until 9.
That was a lot of numbers.
The director of this show is insane. He's invaded all of our designs and with amazing stealth, managed to turn all of them into exactly what he wanted without us noticing. I don't remember what I wanted originally, but it wasn't this Scotty. I feel sorry for the people who work with you at American Girl. Because you have no concept of concepts. And you are so picky. It's impressive, though, that no one will challenge you. No one ever questions your godly word. Even when your idea is ludicrous. It's amazing.
I was so looking forward to this interaction. I was looking forward to working with you. Because you have connections. And then you turned into an ass. What a let down.
(edited)

I'm also afraid of everyone else's reactions. To him. Because they all somehow know. And that is embarrassing. I can see every one's raised eyebrows. And giggly nudges. I feel I'll be making a lot of death threats to shut them up. I would really just rather he not find out how very much I talk about him. Right now at least. I mean even Kris knows about him. I can just hear him saying something overprotective. Or something. Maybe he wouldn't. But he would do something. Ha. I feel like I should warn anyone who comes with me to the theatre that coming is like him meeting my family. My huge dysfunctional, theatrical, judgemental family. I love them like family. They look out for me, like family. They are family.

It's odd to watch the company girls transform themselves around new boys. It clearly proves how boy deprived we are. Well, some of us. Maybe that's why I don't like Seth as much. Because of stuff elsewhere. Still, I think the girls get kind of silly with the swooning and all. And the only ones that have any right to be at all hopeful are the oldest ones. Mostly just Lauren. Because she needs to see how beautiful she is. She needs some confidence.
I don't know how I did it, but I think I've found some confidence. And it makes life a better place.
Play it up Lauren. Smile and talk back. Nothing serious, I know, but provoking doesn't usually hurt. You will see someday that you are a beautiful person. Someone will make you see since I can't seem to.

And I've run out of things to say. Well, that's not true. It's just late and I haven't gotten enough sleep lately so I'm really tired. I'll keep you posted on this show. And the boys. And life.

In the meantime, I'll be enjoying the heat of summer. And dreaming of what tomorrow brings.