I'll give you Christmas cheer tomorrow

I have a little Christmas tree of my own for the space in front of my window. It's perfect for years like this one when my Christmas celebrations are not going to be up to the standards I'm used to. They'll still be warm and comfortable and happy, but different. Anyway, inside of the box that houses my little tree, I leave myself notes from the Christmas before.

I suppose I'm a sentimental freak.

Every Christmas card I've received from the time I first got the tree, I've stuffed into that box. I make an event of reading all of them as I decorate my tree. I like my little memoriam. I leave myself notes. And left over gifts from the year before. The thing is though, I always remember what I've left myself instead of it being a little surprise like I hope.
There is something else I put on my tree. It's an odd tradition I started last year.

I have little glass ornaments and inside I put the names of the people I'm missing. Or ones belong to the dead.
I want to dedicate something to them. Most of the names are relatives or friends in college, but there are some names where I didn't know the people they once belonged to. In fact, I can think of some of the additions I'm making this year and I don't personally know some of them.
Perhaps this is odd.
But I want to look at that tree and know that those people have a place where they are remembered at Christmas. I know that their families are hurting. I'm sure for them, the cold of December and the merry songs of Christmas are like salt in the wounds of mourning. But, I remembering the happy pieces of their stories.

Anyway, on to some less creepy aspects of my personality.

I'm going through what is always one of the busiest parts of my years. It's my fault. I know it's coming but I never prepare properly.
Opening night is on Friday. I want to be excited. I am excited. But, the school work that's been dumped on top of me is a bit of a damper on mspiritit. I'm worried. I've lost all of my drive. I don't want to spend time with most of my friends. I don't, certainly don't, want to go to school. I enjoy adult's company the most.

I was assigned an essay today. It's due Wednesday and I don't have any time to do it.

Whenever my family says I need to simplify my life, a piece of me breaks off inside. I don't want to be ruled by grades and conquered by sleep. In order for my future to go the places I hope it goes I need this theatre experience. Screw the fact that I get 4 hours of sleep on a good night. Screw the 10 hour school days followed by the 5 hour nights at the theatre. I'm lucky to get the opportunity to work such hours.
College better recognize how dedicated I am.
Please, don't let these premature wrinkles and over-cautious, responsible attitude go to waste.

Please. I want to be an actress.