Reflection

Like a vacation from a vacation, what am I doing back here? Feeling like I never left and like I've been gone far too long.

With new music and open windows I'm folding clothes to return to my temporary or perment new home. Depends on my current persepective. Depends on how everything turns.

Weird stirring inside.....

I still wonder all the time...

How is he doing? Since we never got a goodbye... I wonder if he's got the job with the money to do the things he said he loved- If his plan is working- If he's back with the first girl or a new one- If he ever wonders how I am doing- If we could be friends again...
Who drives that white car I sometimes see in your driveway on my way home? His girlfriend or yours?
How is it possible that it's been a year and I still know so little about you? This almost goes against all of the rules I thought I'd set.
How did I go to college and end up losing five pounds?
How much did the person in front of me driving home have to drink and how many lanes did they think they were driving in?
What happens the day she finds out? It is inevitable. I can only keep a small smile and lie for so long. I need an elaborate new story with a new boy before the condescending diatribes begin. If she knew... could I spin it in a way that makes and keeps everyone happy? Probably not.
In five years will I regret this?
How the hell can I focus on one thing for the rest of my life when I want to do some much? Where is the career that allows me to travel while doing theatre and changing things for the better and taking pictures with a touch of archeology. How can I whittle it down to just one? Why should I have to settle? Because. Because everyone has to.

I'm still nervous and still afraid.
You're so close and I'm so far away.